Talking to Family Members About Their History
For many people, genealogy feels like it begins with records. In reality, it often begins with a conversation. I know when I was getting started, the first person I reached out to was my mom. Even though we had often talked about family stories so I knew she would have lots of details for me, I was surprised to learn she also had some documents about family history on both her side and my dad’s side. The information she provided was a big help when I was getting started.
Family members—especially older relatives—carry stories that never appear in official documents. These stories provide context, personality, and direction for your research, helping you understand not just who your ancestors were, but how they lived.
Why Family Conversations Matter
Family stories can reveal:
Nicknames or name changes
Migration stories
Family traditions and beliefs
Relationships that don’t show up in records
Family members who ended up with photos or documents
Even small details can become valuable clues later.
How to Start the Conversation
You don’t need to approach this like an interview. Some of the best conversations happen casually. Especially given that we are deep in the holiday season when many folks visit family, this is a great time to connect with relatives you don’t always speak to in depth.
Try open-ended questions like:
Where did our family come from?
What do you remember about your grandparents?
What’s your earliest memory?
Who were your aunts and uncles?
Are there any family stories that were often told when you were growing up?
Listen more than you speak, since silence often encourages deeper memories, but also remember to remain engaged with the speaker and ask thoughtful follow-up questions.
Be Mindful and Respectful
Not all family history is easy to talk about. Be sensitive to emotional boundaries, and remember that not everyone will want to share everything. Additionally, older generations can see some things as shameful that younger people don’t see the same way. It’s important to understand that topics that might seem harmless to you could be upsetting for those you’re speaking with.
If someone prefers not to talk, that’s okay. You can shift to a different topic or speak with someone else.
Preserve What You Learn
Write things down, record audio (with permission), or take notes afterward. Capture names, places, and approximate dates, even if they feel incomplete.
When Family Stories Raise Questions
Sometimes stories conflict or feel incomplete. That’s normal. These moments often point toward records that can clarify or confirm what you’ve learned.
If you’d like help turning stories into documented research, professional genealogy research can provide clarity while preserving what matters most.
